It's just who I am..

Im no where near perfect. I have many faults. I am insecure, and I worry way to much. But you know what, I am one of the nicest, most caring, most respectful, people in the world. I will do anything to help anyone out. I try so hard to be everything everyone wants me to be, I try so hard to be perfect. But i'm not, and I am glad I am not.

 I don't wear the nicest clothes, I'm not always the nicest, I get lazy, I get mad, but hey, who doesn't?

I am proud of who I am. I may not be proud of all my choices in life, but hey, you live and you learn, right?..

I am an amazing friend, and I am an amazing person, I am really creative, and I accomplish a lot. I don't have the best mom in the world,but in the end I would do anything for her.Without her would not be the same, and I would miss her so much.

My family may not always like me, they might be dissapointed in me, they may not talk to me now, but they will come around.

My friends, no matter how two faced they are, will get whats coming to them. I will sit back take all the stuff they put me through, but in the end I will be the one that comes out on top.

You may be wondering why I am saying all this stuff, and it's because I spend to much time on trying to get my family to like me, to make people think I am perfect, to get my friends not to back stab me. I try so hard to be perfect so I don't lose people. But I am saying all this because I AM DONE THINKING I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I am tired of crying my eyes out feeeling worthless. I really am. I AM GOOD ENOUGH. and someday, someone will realize that.

This is me, the real me,and I am not changing any time soon.

Big Bro and Daddie-O.

This is my brother and my father. These two, though we have had a fair share of fights, would do anything for me, they both love and support me, and over these past few years, they are the ones I run to for help. They mean so much to me, that without them, I really would not know what to do. I love them so much. We have been through so much together, fights, heart aches, deaths, but still, we stand here with this strong bond that no one can break. We may disagree sometimes, but in the end I have their backs and they have mine. 

No matter where life takes me, I know that I can count on them to be there to support me. I know that if I call them hurting, they will make me better. I rely on them so much for the strength and courage that I wish I had. I want them to always be around. Without them I would be lost.

Day by day, no matter what I am going through, I can always count on this kid to be here for me. He has helped me out through heart ache after heart ache. He is my bestfriend. He deserves nothing but the best. He is one of the nicest most amazing people I have ever met, and I am glad I met him. He is one of the only people that can litterally make me happy no matter what mood I am in. He is there for me through thick and thin, and I am there for him the same. I love this kid.

Little Mrs. Piggy. From day one.

This is Piggy before she was born.

My first time ever holding my baby sister <3

This is one of her first pictures ever taken.

This is Piggy a few months ago.

This is Piggy today. :)

Piggy has been a big part of my life even before she was born. From the moment I heard her heart beat for the first time, untill today. She has been the biggest part of my life. I don't know what I would do without her, and I pray that when she grows up she does not do half the things I have done. I want her to succed. She is only one but in the blink of an eye she is going to be my age, making the same mistakes I did, and I want to be there for her to guide her. I want to be there when she starts her teenage years, they are going to be hard. I love her with all my heart and want nothing but the best for her. <3

This smile..

This smile of mine, hides so much pain. Hides all my hurt, my worry. This smile of mine, as fake as it might be, helps me stay sane. I put it on, just to be left alone, to not hear people ask me whats wrong. This smile of mine, keeps the life of mine thats falling apart hidden from the world.

Sometimes though, it fools me. This smile of mine, sometimes convinces me that I am truely happy, but then, i snap back to reality.

Love.

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness.
 It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides.
And when it subsides, you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
 it is not the desire to mate every second of the day.
It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body.
No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love;
which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
 Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away....

Can't I?

Sometimes, I really hate being me. It's like no one wants to see me happy. If it's not one thing its another. People are constantly reminding me of horrible things. Can't I just be happy? Can't people just leave me alone?

I hate being judged, and right now that is what everyone is doing. Am I so wrong to think someone might have the ability to actually change? Or am I just making excuses because I don't want to be alone? Maybe it's the right thing, maybe it's not.

My head is just rediculously confused, between my heart and my brain, I really don't know what to do. I really don't want this life for myself anymore. I am tire of being judged, I am tired of people making me feel bad. I WANT TO BE HAPPY.

Circles.

Yeah, you know what's funny?
Seems every time I try to forget about you
My feelings pull you back in

You know ?cause I got somebody else
And you got somebody else
But you and I both know what it really is
But still, you know what I'm sayin? B?

Ran across a picture you took of me and it got me thinkin?
?Bout how we used to be, it was just you and me
Still hear you say you love me, put no one else above me
But that was back then, now you're just a memory

If I didn't go away to school then where would we be?
Probably still together and somewhere happy
If I'm supposed to be moved on, in a new relationship strong
Then why are you still hauntin' me?

They say if you love something let it go
And if it comes back then that's how you know
I got to the stop light then I made four rights
Now I'm back where I started and you're back in my lifeThe further I go the closer I get back to you
I say I moved on ?til I'm reminded of you
Can somebody help me?
Help me get out of this circle, out of this circle

I drove past your house the other day
I didn't even mean to, I went the wrong way
I ain?t seen your mama in a while
When she looked at me she smiled
And asked me if I'm doing okay

Took everything I had not to bring up your name
And wonder if you came home for the holidays, yeah
She asked if I could stay awhile 'cause you had come in town
And you were just five minutes away

If you love something let it go
And if it comes back then that's how you know
I got to the stop light then I made four rights
Now I'm back where I started and you're back in my life

The further I go the closer I get back to you
I say I moved on ?til I'm reminded of you
Can somebody help me?
Help me get out of this circle, out of this circle

Now everybody that's listening to this
If you got that person that makes you wonder what if
Let me hear you say yeah, say yeah
Say yeah, oh yeah

If you understand how I feel
Then grab that person, gotta let them know what's real
Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah hey

If you love something let it go
And if it comes back then that's how you know
I got to the stop light then I made four rights
Now I'm back where I started and you're back in my life

The further I go the closer I get back to you
I say I moved on ?til I'm reminded of you
Can somebody help me?
Help me get out of this circle, out of this circle.

This song is an amazing song. It fits with my life so perfectly right now. I listen to it at least once everyday. I love the way he sings the chorus. It is absolutely amazing.

I feel like this song suits the situation I am going thriough with blule. I love this song. I feel like I am stuck in a circle, I want out, but I really don't know what I would do if I was out of the circle. No matter what happens, I always go back. One of these days I am not going to come back, and that will be the day, my life will start changing forever.

Christmas Break with my Besties :)

Me and Red :)

Me and Red again.. I was l;ike king kong on the bathtub:))

:)

Me and Jimmy. :)

Jimmy trying so hard to smile lol.

:D

:)

Me and Red getting ready for new years.

HALO!

Cedekins and Samikins(:

Me, Gavin, Cede, and Kyle.

BESTFRIENDS:) ♥

Me, Cede, and Cody.

Haha Race, Cede, and I.

Brian, Cede and I.

Me, Gavin and Cede:)

Race and I.

:)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA:D

Even with all of the bad things that were going on in my life over break I still managed to have a lot of fun with my bestfriends. They all always seem to be there when I need them the most. They make me so happy. If I am in tears these are the people that know how to make me smile. I love all of them, and I am so glad I have them to call my friends. Especially Cede, she is my bestfriend in the whole world. I don't know that I would do without her.

Confusion.

Don't know whats going on. Don't know if its true or if it's all a lie. Don't know weather to stay or go. Don't know weather it's good or bad. I just don't know anymore. Why is it all so confusing. I wish everything in life was easy. I wish there were no hard choices.

I walked into school today expecting the worse. I thought I would cry the whole day. I did not know that I woul be fine. That we would be..

But the part im still off balance with is. Do I even want everything to be fine? Do I want to go back to this? Do I want to be friends or more with the one thing that stomps on my heart the most?

Wish I did not have feelings, wish my heart would just let go, but then again I want nothing more that to just be with this person. I hate him yet love him with ALL OF MY HEART.

I know I am young and shoul not say all this, and this should not be such a big deal. But. LOVE is messed up and so confusing I wish I could not feel it.

Nothing is the same..

Just because someone tells you somehing, does that mean your supposed to believe them? What if believing them made you lose the best thing that's ever been yours? Would you still believe them?

Well I did, and I don't know if it was the best choice. This kid has been so close to me for so long, and in one day we went from being that close, to barely even friends. I did not want that.

 It hurts so bad. I don't think anyone understands what this kid means to me, and I just gave him up. Maybe it was for the best though. Who knows? All I know is nothing about me is the same anymore.

If I die young...

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls..


This song kinda makes me think.. anything can happen at any moment.. I love this song.. ♥

I like this song because of what it stands for, what it means, and who I listened to it with. I think this would be the best song to play at a childs funeral. I feel like it is one of my favorite songs.